Three months of no monthly gratitude posts and it kind of feels like my mind isn’t quite sure what to settle on anymore. It’s been a rough few months. To be honest, it’s been a rough few years. Today especially, I’m grateful for the growth that’s allowed me to reach this point. A year ago, I wouldn’t have imagined that I’d be where I am because things were bad enough then that I didn’t know whether I’d be anywhere.
It feels like I’ve been tired forever and that’s not a nice feeling. Neither is it nice to consider just having to get used to this as the new normal, not because there’s no way to fix things but because you simply don’t have the time or resources to start fixing them. Alhamdulilah that things are starting to improve. I might be tired, but help is coming at work in a little over a month. I might be in desperate need of a holiday and, while I’m not going to get a proper holiday, I do get to spend the next two weeks in our slow period at work and perhaps restructure my boundaries.
I love my job. Alhamdulilah for that, for this infuriating job that sometimes makes me want to pull my hair out or cry. Alhamdulilah for the feeling of accomplishment when a project is completed successfully. Alhamdulilah for the ability to support myself. Alhamdulilah for the space to grow and thrive in a career that I actually got to choose for myself. Alhamdulilah for all the difficulty that got me here because despite the difficult times, I’m actually incredibly happy to be here.
Alhamdulilah for salaah. I’ve been struggling a lot lately and I think that if I hadn’t been blessed with the ability to see things getting better as I put my hands up in prayer and spend time on a musallah, I might not ever have found the will and ability to keep praying. Alhamdulilah for Allah’s mercy.
As always, Alhamdulilah for a support network of amazing women. My friends are people that put up with my craziness, let me nickname them odd things, and are more than ready to coo at cute kittens when I wave them in their faces (except the one, and she knows who she is).
Finally this month, Alhamdulilah for growth. It’s a slow, hard, long journey but there’s no competition in this one and taking baby steps is just fine. My growth may be slow to me while I’m in the middle of it but looking back, it is happening. Slowly but surely, it is happening and I’m so thrilled.
This isn’t a particular long post but I’d like to think it’s still worthwhile. What are you grateful for this month?