Fiction: Resisting Taqdeer Chapter Fifty

Chapter Fifty

Azmiah. One who is courageous and determined.

I’d fallen in love with the name as soon as I’d read it. I hadn’t know then that she’d be a girl, but I’d tucked it away nonetheless. And when she’d finally arrived, I knew that I couldn’t name her anything else.

Little Azmiah Abdi.

Daughter of the widowed Azraa Abdi.

She was less than a week old and I was already taking her outside. I was terrified that she would get sick or hurt – she was so tiny! – but I had no choice. I had to keep her away from Zak’s family. If they got their hands on her, I’d never get her back.

So little Azmiah Abdi was going on her first ever flight. And if I had it my way, neither she nor I would ever come back.

I’d left behind dozens of photos of her, both printed and digital. Nana had insisted and I’d been happy to share them. I didn’t want to keep her to myself, I just wanted her to be safe.

Both sets of grandparents would be getting regular emails from me recording her growth and sharing as much as I possibly could with them. She needed a family, after all. Even if I didn’t have them for myself, I’d never begrudge her a connection with them – as long as it was on our terms, not theirs.

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From: Dr. Sumaira Razi

Azraa, where are you? What is going on? Your grandfather just called. He said that you’ left but he wouldn’t say where and now our calls aren’t going through. Answer me, please. We’re worried about you.

Mom

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From: Dr. Sumaira Razi

How could you do something like this? Don’t you think before you act? Our first grandchild and you’ve decided to hide her away like a toy!

I’ve never been this disappointed in you, Azraa. We didn’t teach you to act like this, to be vindictive and ugly! So what if your mother in law wanted to spend time with the baby? You should have been grateful that she even offered.

Answer our calls.

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From: Dr. Uzair Razi

Az, I don’t know what Mom said to you in her email but you shouldn’t take it to heart.

She’s very upset – we’re all very upset. But we still love you. And we want you to come back home.

Please, Az, pick up the phone and call. We’re worried about you.

Dad

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From: Dr. Sumaira Razi

Thank you for the pictures of the baby. She’s beautiful. What did you name her?

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From: Dr. Uzair Razi

We’re still not happy, Azraa. But, we understand that we have no say in your choices. Please keep sending your emails.

And… if you ever want to come back, even just to visit… Please come.

We want you both back however we can have you.

Dad

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From: Rayyan Razi

Azraa,

I know you’ll probably ignore this like you’ve ignored all my other emails. But on the off chance that you’ll be reasonable, I’m writing it anyway.

You’re being irrational. I don’t know whether it’s grief or post-partum whatever but… you need to come back home. You need to let us take care of you and Azmiah.

She’s my niece and I’ve never even seen her because you took off like a thief in the night. Don’t you think there’s something wrong with that?

We’re worried about you! None of us even know where you are or what you’re doing. What if something happens? You’ll have no one. And you don’t need to be that way.

We’re here. Or we would be if you’d let us.

Ugh, I don’t even know why I keep trying with you. I should give up like everyone else has. You’ll come to your senses eventually. It’s been three months already, this can’t last much longer.

Rayyan

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From: Dr. Sumaira Razi

Azraa, ignore Rayyan. I’ve asked him to apologize but if he doesn’t, I’ll say it. I’m sorry.

Azmiah looks wonderful. Do you think you could take some videos of her?

Is she teething? She should be, by now.

If she’s in pain, there are lots of gels that will help. I can send you some names. Let me know!

Mom

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From: Rayyan Razi

Mom insisted that I send you an apology. She’s terrified that you’ll stop emailing at all because you’re mad at me and I can’t blame her. You’ve been so vindictive already.

But I’m not sorry, Azraa. I’m not. I don’t want you to take it out on our parents but I refuse to go along with this nonsense.

Someone needs to talk some sense into you and if that has to be me, so be it. You’re hurting us all, why don’t you see that?

Or do you see it? Does it just not matter to you?

I want answers Azraa, and I’ll get them even if I have to spend a year hunting you down.

Rayyan

–

From: Rayyan Razi

I’m sorry.

–

From: Rayyan Razi

Why didn’t you tell us?

–

From: Rayyan Razi

Why didn’t you trust us?

–

From: Rayyan Razi

Azraa,

I don’t know if you’ll open this but I’m praying that you will. I met them. Mirzaq’s parents.

They’re crazy.

You already knew that, didn’t you? That’s why you ran the way you did.

They don’t want her. Azmiah. They don’t want Azmiah.

It’s because she’s a girl. That woman – Shamima – she told me straight that all she’d wanted the baby for was to replace Mirzaq. That since it, since she was a girl, we could keep her.

I’m so sorry, Azraa.

I’m so, so sorry. I know it’s not enough but… it’s all I have.

I haven’t told Mom or Dad. It’s not my place.

But I thought you should know that you don’t have to look over your shoulder anymore.

And Az? I still loved you even when I thought you were loopy.

I’m hoping you can still love me too.

Ray

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From: Dr. Uzair Razi

Azraa,

Nana’s been saying for a while now that he’d really love to see Azmiah in person. He’s not feeling too good at the moment so, maybe you could fly down? We’ll pay for the tickets and you don’t have to come to the house. We’ll work with what you want to do.

Let me know.

Dad

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From: Dr. Sumaira Razi

Azraa,

Azmiah’s nearly nine months old now. She must be getting really big. We’d love to see her in real time. Maybe a video call? So that she can hear us too?

Mom

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From: Rayyan Razi

Azraa,

You need to come home. Mom and Dad have been dancing around it because they don’t want to scare you but you need to come home right now. Nana’s sick. Very sick.

We don’t know how much longer he’s going to last.

You need to come home now, Az. You need to say goodbye.

End of Part 1

Part 2 will begin on the 10th of August In Shaa Allah.