Chapter Forty One
Never depend on another person.
Never allow yourself to get into a position that you can’t get out of.
Most of all, never leave yourself open to disappointment.
These three lessons? They’re the secret to survival.
My name is Azraa Mahomed. I’m seven months pregnant. And I’m stuck.
I was so stupid. I pinned all my hopes on Zak. I thought he was perfect. I thought I’d found my saviour. I thought…
I thought a lot of things. I know better now.
I’m still just as stuck as I was before. But now I know that there’s no way out. And I’ve made my peace with it.
The flaws are mine, not Zak’s. I’m the one who expected too much. And the one who can’t meet his expectations either.
I’m wrong. Everyone’s told me so.
They can’t all be wrong. Can they?
Zak hasn’t come with to a single doctor’s appointment. He’s busy. He’s started up his own company with his friends, the ones I met on our last, disastrous date. He’s really, really busy.
I can’t expect him to come to the appointments. He’s doing so much already. It’s unreasonable to demand more. And it’s not like being there for the appointments will make a difference. He’s not a doctor, like my father.
Zak’s been getting awfully close to Amira. And she’s getting jumpier by the day. Whenever I walk into a room, it feels like I’m the outsider and they’re the couple. The air’s so charged around them.
But Zak’s known Amira since he was seventeen, when she first came to work for his family. They’re bound to be familiar with one another. I can’t expect him to treat her like a stranger now. That would just be rude.
I haven’t seen any of my family in months. I wanted to fly out before I hit my third trimester but Zak refused to let me go without him and he’s just been way too busy to accommodate me. It’s not his fault though, running a business is time consuming. I have to be reasonable and understand the load he’s under.
It doesn’t matter that I won’t be able to travel comfortably now, everyone knows how to video chat these days anyway. It’s almost the same thing.
I should be understanding. Never mind that Zak travels all the time these days, those are business trips. They’re different. I shouldn’t throw tantrums when I don’t get my way.
Zak’s temper is shorter these days. But that’s to be expected with the stress he’s under. That’s why he didn’t want a baby so fast, anyway. It doesn’t matter that I think he’s scary sometimes. I’m the one who overreacts and that’s not his fault. I just need to learn to stop being so skittish.
I’m lonely and miserable. But that’s my own fault. I didn’t listen to any advice when I picked Zak. It was my mistake and I need to fix it. On my own. Rayyan and Mom have both told me so. I’m the only one who’s unhappy so I’m the one who needs to change.
I can’t expect their support when I ignored their advice.
That’s just silly.
Oh, there’s one other thing that my marriage has taught me: how to lie, even to myself.