Chapter Forty One
Never depend on another person.
Never allow yourself to get into a position that you can’t get out of.
Most of all, never leave yourself open to disappointment.
These three lessons? They’re the secret to survival.
My name is Azraa Mahomed. I’m seven months pregnant. And I’m stuck.
I was so stupid. I pinned all my hopes on Zak. I thought he was perfect. I thought I’d found my saviour. I thought…
I thought a lot of things. I know better now.
I’m still just as stuck as I was before. But now I know that there’s no way out. And I’ve made my peace with it.
The flaws are mine, not Zak’s. I’m the one who expected too much. And the one who can’t meet his expectations either.
I’m wrong. Everyone’s told me so.
They can’t all be wrong. Can they?
–
Zak hasn’t come with to a single doctor’s appointment. He’s busy. He’s started up his own company with his friends, the ones I met on our last, disastrous date. He’s really, really busy.
I can’t expect him to come to the appointments. He’s doing so much already. It’s unreasonable to demand more. And it’s not like being there for the appointments will make a difference. He’s not a doctor, like my father.
–
Zak’s been getting awfully close to Amira. And she’s getting jumpier by the day. Whenever I walk into a room, it feels like I’m the outsider and they’re the couple. The air’s so charged around them.
But Zak’s known Amira since he was seventeen, when she first came to work for his family. They’re bound to be familiar with one another. I can’t expect him to treat her like a stranger now. That would just be rude.
–
I haven’t seen any of my family in months. I wanted to fly out before I hit my third trimester but Zak refused to let me go without him and he’s just been way too busy to accommodate me. It’s not his fault though, running a business is time consuming. I have to be reasonable and understand the load he’s under.
It doesn’t matter that I won’t be able to travel comfortably now, everyone knows how to video chat these days anyway. It’s almost the same thing.
I should be understanding. Never mind that Zak travels all the time these days, those are business trips. They’re different. I shouldn’t throw tantrums when I don’t get my way.
–
Zak’s temper is shorter these days. But that’s to be expected with the stress he’s under. That’s why he didn’t want a baby so fast, anyway. It doesn’t matter that I think he’s scary sometimes. I’m the one who overreacts and that’s not his fault. I just need to learn to stop being so skittish.
–
I’m lonely and miserable. But that’s my own fault. I didn’t listen to any advice when I picked Zak. It was my mistake and I need to fix it. On my own. Rayyan and Mom have both told me so. I’m the only one who’s unhappy so I’m the one who needs to change.
I can’t expect their support when I ignored their advice.
That’s just silly.
–
Oh, there’s one other thing that my marriage has taught me: how to lie, even to myself.
The Imperfect Muslimah 
It’s so sad to see that her family isn’t supportive of her,this chapter was really heart breaking…may ALLAH save us from being in similar situations..Ameen
LikeLiked by 2 people
As much as i feel sorry for azraa, i cant help but blame this all on her hastiness to choose zak. I mean, zaakir was perfect 🤷♀️🤷♀️😭
LikeLike
I feel zaakir is still waiting for her. As much as i don’t like the situation she is in if she married zakir without experiencing marriage to zak she would not have appreciated him. I think she will end up with zak at the end. Dont like the baby twist tho! Cz now that a baby is in the picture her mil won’t let her go easily!
LikeLike
I think she will end up with zakir**
LikeLike
He’s got something up with Amira. Maybe he’s forced himself on her before. I got that feeling from when he said that Amira knows what he *likes*…
LikeLiked by 2 people
Beautiful and so sentimental…
There are so many girls out there who are being forced to stay in such marriages because their self esteem has been torn to shreds and when they do walk out of such marriages they have to relearn how to trust and love themselves and those around them.
Jazaakillaah khair 💕
LikeLiked by 2 people
This is brilliant ☝🏼 Echo’s of so many women going through the same thing …. you hit the nail on the head !
>
LikeLiked by 2 people
Jazakallah khair 🤗
LikeLike
This post….. wow!
Dear authoress, may I enquire, how were you inspired to write such? Can’t help but wonder-God forbid if such a reality actually exists out there…
LikeLiked by 2 people
Jazakallah khair! The reality *does* exist. Alhamdulilah, I haven’t been trapped in such a marriage but I’ve heard these sentiments myself. I’ve heard people say that an abusive marriage is better than a “broken home”. I’ve heard refusal to stay with a husband or expose a child to them called arrogance. I’ve even been called arrogant myself because I refuse to simply accept behaviour that makes me unhappy in a potential spouse. We’re taught to adapt and change and that’s fine. But it’s a two way street. The husband and the wife need both to change and adapt for their better else there’s no point.
LikeLiked by 5 people
I feel so sad for her…
I know someone who just separated after ten years of marriage and this is exactly how she used to think while being married…
LikeLiked by 6 people
That makes me so furious. May Allah grant her happiness and clarity and the full knowledge that she is not the one to blame.
LikeLiked by 5 people
Ameen…
Yes true… we have been trying to make her understand that… But its a long journey… what after ten years of believing the opposite…
LikeLiked by 4 people
It’s understandable 🙂 But it must be frustrating for you all as well.
LikeLiked by 2 people