On Feeling Unwanted

Feeling unwanted is one of the worst feelings in the world.

It’s worse than feeling like an outsider because, to me at least, these aren’t just feelings of exclusion.

Feeling like an outsider means feeling like you don’t fit. Feeling unwanted is feeling like no one wants you to fit.

It can create resentment, can cause self-esteem issues and, very often, results in rage and frustration. It’s not nice to feel like a burden or an obstacle. It’s especially hard because these feelings come from a silent expectation that you should be wanted which means that you have or had fairly close relationships with these people – close enough to want to be with them and to feel hurt when they seem to be either indifferent or outright unhappy at your presence.

But how do you fix something like this? You can’t force people to be happy with you. You can’t force them to want you around. But you know what else you can do? Find places where you are wanted. It’s not necessary to continue subjecting yourself to situations and people that make you miserable. You have a choice – you can stay in a place that doesn’t appreciate you or you can move on to places that do appreciate you.

Sadly, no matter how much we may want it to be different, people have priority lists – you may not be on the top of someone’s priorities despite having them at the top of yours. And their behaviour towards you will reflect that. There may be a really good reason for this, there may be no reason at all. But the bottom line is that you shouldn’t have to settle. You shouldn’t have to feel that awful clench in your stomach or have your shoulders hunch and your head drop because you don’t feel valued.

So don’t.