They say that fear provides clarity. I’m not so sure. Today’s been a day to remember. I had a kitchen fire a few hours ago. Alhamdulilah, no one was hurt and the material damage is fairly minimal – a pot is dead and some cupboards have been blackened. It could have been so, so much worse.
Walking into the kitchen, I immediately ran for the front door, uncaring that I didn’t have a niqaab or even hijab at hand. I was terrified and immediately assumed that my entire home would soon be engulfed in flames. Absurdly, I thought of trying to dave my laptop before coming to my senses and running outside for help.
Somehow, (Well, I know how – Allah helped me) I managed to go back inside and douse the flames before anything exploded or the fire spread too far. I did have a piece of stove fall to the floor in front of my feet but Alhamdulilah, I don’t have a scratch on me.
Events like these are meant to bring clarity. All that’s been made clear to me is that I’m in no shape to die. If today had been the end of the line for me, I would have been disgusted by the way I’ve used my time. Is this some sort of moment of truth for me?
No. Not the way books and movies portray it, at least. This was a terrifying experience but nothing fundamental has changed within me. Perhaps it just wasn’t terrifying enough? Perhaps I’m just too much of a stubborn donkey to change any kind of fast? Allah knows.
What I know is that I need to get to a point where I’m not disgusted by time I’ve wasted and terrified at the thought of my time having run out. And that’s going to take some good, hard work.
Oh and one more thing – today has taught me that some acquaintances truly can step up and be lovely when your world is burning up. So Alhamdulilah for that. Most of all, Alhamdulilah that I’m still breathing.