We’ll be starting this post with a little bit of background information on me. I am not the most holy person in the room. In fact, I don’t even come close. I struggle with so many different aspects of Islam and I don’t know that I’ll ever come close to getting it completely right.
One of the aspects that I struggled with a lot for a while there was modesty. Not physical modesty but mental modesty. I found it difficult to not show off when things were going well for me, to remember that humbleness was a quality I should be trying to embody and to keep myself thankful for whatever good was happening in my life.
Going into hijab wasn’t even something that I thought about after I had grown out of the stage in my childhood where I put both a hijab and a pardah on for fun to play with. When I was in the early stages of primary school, it was a part of the uniform. After I had left my Islamic school with it’s stressed out atmosphere for a Model C school, I didn’t put on a scarf unless we were attending a mayet.
Even at the time of my life when I was most spiritual, I never even considered wearing hijab. It was never something that applied to me. Other people did it but I was not one of them – I never had the urge or felt like it was something I should do.
At the end of 2015, that changed. I had been making dua after salaah for Allah (SWT) to guide me and to help me to want what was good for me. One day, I put on a scarf and wore a cloak and felt good. I thought about wearing a scarf more often for a few seconds and that day, I made the dua to Allah (SWT) asking that Allah (SWT) make me want it if it would be good for me. Perhaps a week later, I wore hijab out of the house and every time after that, I did the same.
For me, going into hijab was not a drawn out process. One day, I put it on and I never got the urge to take it off again. There were times when I was frustrated in the beginning because my scarf kept unravelling or because it was so hot and I felt even hotter than anyone else. But I never considered taking off that scarf or going back to not wearing clothes that covered me.
I wear my hijab because I love wearing it. I feel comfortable in it. I feel good because I’m obeying Allah (SWT). I like the way I look in it. I like the fact that it’s so much easier for me to read salaah when I’m out. Most of all, I like the fact that my physical modesty reminds me continuously to be socially and mentally modest.