I never used to think about marriage. When my friends used to talk about their imagined perfect husbands, I’d end up scrambling – because I really hadn’t thought about it.
Marriage was an abstract concept – something that I would do because it was expected rather than out of any desire for a partner to share my life with.
Almost a year ago now, that changed. I began to like the idea of having someone there, having someone to share things with and build a life with. I had always wanted children and that desire grew as well. This change of opinion snuck up on me. In my mind, it seems like one day, I just started wanting it.
This is familiar to me because it’s exactly what happened when I started wearing hijab. One day, I wanted to do it. And so I did. And Alhamdulilah, it’s been almost a year and a half and I couldn’t be happier.
It was hard, trying to reconcile this new desire with the person I had always thought myself to be. I used to think that all I wanted in life was to be a strong, independent woman who didn’t need anyone. And I had been told by the media, by well-meaning people in my life, by so many little things, that wanting marriage in the way that I had begun to want it was wrong because it went against everything a strong, independent woman stood for.
I have since realized that they were wrong. There is bravery and strength in choosing to depend on someone, in choosing to make yourself vulnerable to them. Most of all, there is strength in making your choices for yourself. A strong, independent woman chooses what makes her happy, whether that may be marriage and kids or not. The point is to make your own choice and not let anything dictate to you what should make you satisfied.
I’ve made my choice and I don’t feel lesser for it. What I have felt, at times, is impatience. When I want something, I like to take steps to achieve it immediately. It’s foreign to me to not have anything to do in attempt to reach a goal. But, this is not a goal that comes with a nice, neat 5 step plan.
Islamically, we believe that when the time is right, it’ll happen. What we can do, however, is devote time to becoming the best version of ourselves and pray for what we want.