I have never had the best of relationships with Salaah. When I was quite young, I used to love reading Salaah and reciting Surahs for anyone who would listen. I vividly remember a road trip with my grandparents and my mother where I recited the Azan over and over (and over) again.
As I grew older, I lost that enthusiasm and I have been desperately trying to find it again since. When I used to read my Salaah (which was not all the time) I would rush through it, desperate to be finished so I could do other things.
I still don’t read every Salaah every day but I keep trying and I know that In Shaa Allah one day, if I keep trying, I will get there.
In the past year and a bit I have become a lot more religious. I have still had trouble reading all 5 Salaahs in a day. But my attitude has changed. Now, I feel happy when I go to make Salaah. I am so excited that I am doing it, that I have managed to do it! I have stopped viewing Salaah as a requirement and I now see it as something to take pleasure in. I love getting the chance to read my Salaah. I love the peace that it brings me.
If there’s anything anyone takes away from this (if anyone even reads it) let it be this – you always have the chance to do better. Don’t fall into the trap of criticizing yourself so much you become demotivated. I used to do that to myself and it absolutely never helped. I used to think to myself ‘You already missed Fair, what’s the point?’ and ‘You left it so late, there won’t be enough time to read anything but your Fard for Dhuhr. Just leave it.’ Don’t just leave it. Try anyway. If you don’t do well, try again tomorrow. Keep trying and if you falter, for it give yourself enough to keep going on.